Day 2 - Wednesday 21st June 2017

Up early today having hardly slept again..... reality is really kicking in now.... I kept Jack off School again and we battled the traffic through Manchester to get to the Hospital.

I couldn't get hold of Lisa this morning which made me worried, but it was just because she was on the NICU and the signal is poor.... She called me back when I was on my way and was really upset.... she was being discharged!!!! I told her not to do anything until I got there.....

When we arrived, Lisa said that the postnatal nurse had called her and said that they were going to discharge her that afternoon...... Lisa was really upset about it and kept crying. I told her not to worry, and that I would get us a hotel close by until we sorted something out....

She had finally managed to express a bit of milk (0.5ml) and was so made up..... she could now provide milk for the nurses to feed him every two hours.... it was only a tiny bit in a syringe, but it was a massive moment for Lisa.... after the nurse fed him I told her to go and have a lie down for an hour because she looked knackered.

I stayed with Theo and read him some stories. I started chatting to the nurse that was looking after him, she was really nice. She was explaining everything to me..... what the machines and wires were and what they were doing for him. All very technical.... I never even knew places like this existed!

The doctor came in to put a long line up his arm today but it didn't work. I think it might have been my fault as I was watching her do it..... I did ask her if she was ok with me watching and she said she was.... but she looked a bit flustered so the nurse asked me to leave half way through.... an x-ray later showed that it wasn't in the right place, so they are going to pull it back out and try and to put one in his leg tomorrow

It was basically threading a tube (as thin as a hair) through a vain from the hand, up the arm, over the shoulder and down towards the heart..... tricky on such a small baby! I felt really guilty for watching cause I'd caused Theo more unnecessary messing about.

The stress of it all made Theo get a bit upset and he kept de-saturating.... he ended up having trouble breathing so the nurse had to give him suction and put a breathing bag on his face to breath for him for a minute or so..... scared the life out of me!! He's ok now though thank god!

The doctors have said that his blood count is low so he needs a blood transfusion now. They said that it was nothing to worry about and was normal for such a small baby because he can't produce his own blood yet!

He wasn't having the best of mornings, so Jack read him a story.... he settled down and went to sleep.... I can see straight away the love that Jack has for him.... he's going to be a great big brother 😁😁

Lisa came back from her rest just as the nurse asked me if I wanted to do his cares and change his nappy for the first time..... I jumped at the chance but was scared to death as he was smaller than one of my hands..... as I was changing him he weed all over his bed.... and the nurse lol.

The nurse asked me to hold him in my hands while the she changed his bedding.... I told Lisa to swap with me so that she could be the first to hold him, but she said I could do it.... Jack was already filming me do his cares and I was trying my hardest to contain my tears as I held him for the first time..... but I couldn't.... it was really emotional.....

He looked so small in my hands... I was scared he was going to fall out because he was wiggling like mad and I didn't want to grip him too hard! I gave him back to the nurse when she'd finished and she put him back down.... phew.... very precious moment that I will never forget!!

Lisa continued to be upset and kept crying about being discharged.... then the nurse who was looking after Theo said that she had spoken to the NICU manager and they were going to let her have one of the parents rooms on the NICU for a couple of days while we sorted something out.... Lisa burst out crying with relief.....

When we went back to the postnatal ward to pick up her things, we were told that she wasn't being discharged and that she could stay for another night??.... They said she had low iron levels and had a water infection.... unbelievable?? The ante/postnatal wards needs a serious shake up!! Lisa was not happy and let everybody on the ward know about it.....

When we got back to the NICU, Ronald McDonald House rang up and told the nurse that there was a room available if we wanted it, but we would need to stay there tonight if we did..... without question we said yes, we couldn't believe our luck! They told us the room would be ready at 7pm so we went back to the postnatal ward and Lisa discharged herself!

We went over to Ronald McDonald House at 7pm and it is amazing.... a simple room with 3 single beds and a small bathroom in the corner..... It has 5 shared kitchens on the floor, a games room for Jack to play in and an outside play area too.... our new home for the next few months!! Lisa cried all the way round.... Lisa's sister came up and stayed with Lisa while Jack and I nipped home to get some bits and then we all moved in to our new home 👍👍

After we had something to eat, we all went back to see Theo and stopped with him till about 11pm..... he was doing great tonight... he's such a little fighter.... my super strong little solider ❤❤

Its only been a couple of days and the emotional rollercoaster is out of control.... I don't know how I am going to get through this..... I've never felt emotions like it!!

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