Phil and I spent the whole day with Theo that day. We were really getting used to caring for him now. It felt amazing! We did all his hourly feeds, washed him, changed his nappy and helped to reposition him. We were a great tag team!
I had seen posters and leaflets around the unit about a counsellor that was available for parents to speak to. I had never in a million years before ever thought I would need to see a counsellor but when she came to introduce herself I realised that it would be good to talk to someone. I saw her once a week from quite early on. I could talk through everything that had happened. It really helped me to process my thoughts and feelings. She made me realise that I wasn’t going crazy!
I always felt motivated when I had spoken to her, as if she had given me a fresh burst of energy to carry on doing what I was doing. She helped me to deal with everything at the time it was happening. Every day was so different, so stressful and emotional. It is such a unique experience, unless you have been through it I don’t think you could truly understand. She totally empathised. I am eternally grateful to her. 💕
Later that afternoon it was Jack’s prize giving ceremony at school. The last one before he left for Senior School. I had been to nearly everything Jack had been involved in throughout his school life so I knew I had to go for him. I couldn’t have missed something so important. It was so difficult because we would be so far away, for a good few hours. I was worried about seeing friends and having to explain everything that had happened. I wasn’t ready for that or emotionally stable enough. Our baby was fighting for his life but the world just carried on!
Over the last few days Theo had been desaturating a bit more and needed neopuffing- the adult equivalent would be bagging. Where they deliver breaths to stabilise their saturations. The nurses did it all the time so don’t see it as anything major and didn’t always mention it when we asked how he’d been. It was major to us and I didn’t want him to be on his own if that happened. I needed to go to Jack’s awards though there was no question about it.
I felt so nervous, I had butterflies. As soon as we got there I went to the toilet, there was a teacher in there and she said how brave I was for going. That set me off straight away! There was no way I was going to hold it together. Our friend who Jack was staying with that night met us in the corridor and had saved us a seat. I had to take a minute in the corridor to compose myself.
We looked in the programme and saw that Jack would be singing the Robbie williams song he had sang to Theo days earlier. I wished he’d have warned us he’d be singing that song. It was ridiculously emotional. Every year they award four scholarships to year 6, one for each of the main subjects, Jack won the Maths scholarship. Such a fantastic achievement, we were so proud and emotional. We cried our eyes out! There were so many parents there that didn’t know what we were going through they probably thought look at those ridiculous parents completely over reacting at their child receiving an award, little did they know!
After the awards had finished we rushed out to congratulate Jack as quickly as we could and then Phil and I went back to the hospital and Jack went to his fiends. We asked if he’d prefer to come back with us because I didn’t want him to feel like he was being pushed out but he was excited to stay at his fiends.
When we got back to the hospital, Theo had been unsettled. It completely reinforced my need to stay with him. He seemed much more settled when we were there because we were really starting to get to know him. I hoped that I wouldn’t have to go out again anytime soon especially for that long. I was glad I went for Jack though. He deserved for us to be there for him. We were so proud of him. Proud of both of our amazing boys!
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