Lisa's reflective account of Day 6....

I phoned NICU every morning at about 4am to check on Theo before I expressed. I wasn’t going to sleep until after midnight so was only getting about 3-4 hours sleep a night. I was very tired, my ankles were getting fat and I had really bad back ache. I did try hard to remember to take my iron tablets, antibiotics and painkillers. I went over to see Theo first thing. He’d had a relatively good night. I spent some time with him before going back over to Ronald McDonald house for a shower and then going back to the unit for the ward round. I knew that I needed to get into a better routine because I felt exhausted. I had given birth less than a week ago but there was no time to rest, Theo needed me. We asked Jack regularly if he was ok staying at Ronald Mc Donald or he wanted to go home. He said that he wanted us all to stay with each other near Theo. We told him to let us know if he ever changed his mind. He said that the one thing he would miss the most about not being at home was Sunday Lunch. I told my sister about this and she said she would bring one for us all. Around lunchtime my sister Leanne, her husband and my young niece and nephew came to Ronald McDonald house with a full cooked Sunday dinner. She’d even brought paper cups to save washing up and napkins. They warmed the dinner up and we all sat together on the dining tables at Ronald Mc Donald to eat our first proper meal in over a week. I was so grateful. My sister had been such an angel to me over the past week. I really don’t know what I would’ve done without her. The children played in the garden at Ronald Mc Donald after lunch before we all went back across to NICU. As lovely as lunch was I was really starting to miss Theo. It felt like an actual pull in my heart when I was away from him. Leanne took Jack roller skating that afternoon to give Phil and I time with Theo. It was the first time that we’d spent time with him just the two of us and it was lovely. He needed a blood transfusion today and a new cannula so our time with him was interrupted temporarily whist they cannulated him. I felt so sorry for Theo, he had needles stabbed in him daily but didn’t have any painkillers. He wasn’t in pain generally, they check a pain score in the documentation and he was too little to have anything pre procedure at the minute. I wondered if he would ever remember any of this. Phil went to pick Jack up from Leanne’s and when they got back Jack told me about a song he’d been singing in choir at school. It was a well known Robbie Williams song. I recognised it but hadn’t listened to it properly. He asked if he could sing it for Theo but he would only do it if Phil sang to. They opened the door to Theo’s incubator and found the words on Phil’s phone. I filmed them sing and couldn’t help but burst into tears. The words were so beautiful. It was as if they were written for Theo. About his battle to survive and that one day we hoped he would love his life. Jack kept singing it again and again and as beautiful as it was I had to ask him to stop because it was so emotional. Jack brought some of his old books back from Leanne’s that we had given to my niece and nephew when they were younger, they had done full circle and were now Theo’s. Jack chose a couple of them to read to him. He said today ‘Theo is so cute, I love him’. What an amazing 11 year old boy, I was so proud of him. So caring and loving, an amazing big brother in such a difficult and scary situation.

I felt so proud of my boys.

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